youre lurking in front of me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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