i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
