i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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