No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
