i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
