oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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