Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
