Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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