I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
