It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
