I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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