one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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