You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
