he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
