Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
