So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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