I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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