Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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