I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
