i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
