I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
