We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
