these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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