She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
