Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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