maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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