No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
