I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
