i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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