and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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