DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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