apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
