I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
