She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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