new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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