Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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