I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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