Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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