Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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