i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
