so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
