that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
