Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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