btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
