Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
