if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
