Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize