This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize