After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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