if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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