Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
