weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Only a mothe r could love this liver
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
