the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
