i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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