im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
