im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
