She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
