i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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