You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
