I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
