Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
