so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The best revenge is premature balding
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
