Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
