its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
