new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
