I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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