I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
