The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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